They say that the main component of chance
is taking something out of context and placing it into another,
meaning that meaning is fixed to a site which unfixes upon moving,
meaning that meanings are moving.
Moving is closely related to the idea of change:
"All entities move and nothing remains still" [Heraclitus].
Maybe to recover is to re/locate the thing that still moves.
You cannot stay both subject and object,
so I move your memory to objecthood, a souvenir.
What does this object mean in its new location?
The subject of the object becomes a dust:
tiny particles of solid matter, into which something disintegrates,
deprived of unity, breaking into parts,
moving away from each other.
It’s uncanny that I can always anticipate the shock
of loving someone the way I ended up loving you.
It doesn't matter to me, and it never did, that our relationship couldn’t last.
Our territory was transient and shifting always occurs when shaking.
The pain comes from the sadness that our last meeting was like any other
and there was no way to know that it would be the final one.
I cared for you so hard that even the frustration of never feeling cared for back
was not enough for me to stop the caring.
But you know that already.
If I could offer one last relic it would be something like
Nietchze’s amor fati- love of fate.
To hold as one the pain and pleasure with no hierarchy
distinguishing any such division between them.
Amor fati: “That one wants nothing to be different,
not forward, not backward, not in all eternity.
Not merely bear what is necessary,
still less conceal it—all idealism is mendacity
in the face of what is necessary—but love it."
I loved you so true, I would have forgiven you anything.
Amor fati: "What else can I desire than to exclude nothing
and to learn how to braid with white thread and black thread
a single cord stretched to the breaking point?” [Camus]
I will not exclude the pain from the memory
of the pleasure that was my year with you.