Amor Fati I
They say that the main component of chance
is taking something out of context
and placing it into another,
meaning that meaning is fixed to a site
which unfixes upon moving,
meaning that meanings are moving.
Moving is closely related to the idea of change:
"All entities move and nothing remains still" [Heraclitus].
Maybe to recover
is to re/locate
the thing that still moves.
You cannot stay
both subject and object,
so I move your memory
to objecthood, a souvenir.
What does this object mean in its new location?
The subject of the object becomes a dust:
tiny particles of solid matter,
into which something disintegrates,
deprived of unity,
breaking into parts,
moving away from each other.
It’s uncanny
that I can always anticipate
the shock of loving someone
the way I ended up loving you.
It doesn't matter to me,
and it never did,
that our relationship couldn’t last.
Our territory was transient
and shifting always occurs when shaking.
The pain comes from the sadness
that our last meeting was like any other
and there was no way to know
that it would be the final one.
I cared for you so hard
that even the frustration
of never feeling cared for back
was not enough for me
to stop the caring.
But you know that already.
If I could offer one last relic
it would be something like Nietchze’s
amor fati- love of fate.
To hold as one
the pain and pleasure
with no hierarchy distinguishing
any such division between them.
Amor fati:
“That one wants nothing to be different,
not forward, not backward,
not in all eternity.
Not merely bear what is necessary,
still less conceal it—
all idealism is mendacity
in the face of what is necessary
—but love it."
I loved you so true,
I would have forgiven you anything.
Amor fati: "What else can I desire
than to exclude nothing
and to learn how to braid
with white thread and black thread
a single cord stretched
to the breaking point?” [Camus]
I will not exclude the pain
from the memory of the pleasure
that was my year with you.
-June 2020
Untitled, 2015
The true lover of learning then
must from his earliest youth,
as far as in him lies,
desire all truth. —Plato
It's not me saying this
not me thinking
but perhaps
being many and multiple as we are
you're right to kill your idols
keeping meaning making free
The cyborg has no loyalty to makers
No origin story—
It's just a combination effect
Freedom relative to position
Ground zero but a node
-June 2015
“though you have never possessed me
I have belonged to you
since the beginning of time” - Mina Loy
don't laugh
cuz i know you are
but did you know that
she searched for years
to find him again?
(like a delirium)
she must have gone crazy a little-
easy to say, but
can you articulate the difference
between vision and delusion?
(but I mean- really?)
you asked if I would write again
well, yes, yes.
i hope i write you 'til I die -
i am dying to write you -
to right you
dying overlaps many things
even when still living
(in between it hurts)
But being dying aside -
Living becomes liveable.
-June 2015